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By Mary Lindow


I invite you to step out from the familiar comfort zone in which you now 
are and take a risk. 
In the body of Christ today there are many different kinds of comfort 
zones. Step out from your comfort zone that leaves you in the place of 
being a “Fallow ground-Christian.” 

 
What I mean by that statement is; 
"Being currently inactive but with the 
possibility of activity or use in the future."
 

THINK HONESTLY 

Are you living as unto yourself, basking in self-approval or self hatred, or 
are you self-consciously living for God’s glory and for the encouragement 
of others? 

Is there joy in your life, and a deeply developing love for God, in the 
“routine” you have carved for yourself? 


 
We all need the discipline of doing something that goes beyond our 
comfort zone. Some of us need to risk being at an event whose only 
purpose is to pray instead of going to get something or hear something 
that will feed our own need for more attention and self-focus. 


 
How many times have your heard the line, “If I won the Publisher’s Clearing 
House Sweepstakes, I would do sooooo much to help others who are poor 
or are going through difficult times?!” Or, maybe you have said, “When I 
close this business deal, get my family inheritance, sell that piece of 
property (uh…brings to mind a certain Ananias and Sapphira from Acts 5) 
then I will obey the prompting of the Lord to “Do something to help.” 


 
A MOVE FROM GOD’S HEART 
If we are truly going have a move of God’s Heart not just His Hand in the form of a “Harvest”, we need to start living the lifestyle that sets a 
precedence for such a move!
Meaning?
Prying our fingers away from what 
we will not share with others until “we” are first satisfied and justified in 
our own “Self preservation.” This does not just apply to material goods. It 
means sharing from the heart humbly, partaking openly with others 
allowing them in, and allowing tears to flow in vulnerability.
These make 
us equals in painful times and equal when we rejoice. 

If folks can’t share during their good times and seasons of abundance, 
they will not fully obey the Lord in caring for their brothers and sisters 
when times are difficult.
 
SHARE WHAT? 
Time, resources, wisdom, counsel, transparent dialog. And, how about a 
focused “Listening ear” instead of a benevolent sort of “tolerant” dead-pan 
stare as someone pours out their deeply bruised soul, looking for a 
handhold or foothold that will assist them in grappling with the 
overwhelming “mountain” of life.

“For the LORD searches every heart 
and understands every motive behind the thoughts. 

If you seek him, you will find him; 
but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever. “
 
1 Chronicles 28:9

Woe to those who think they are fooling themselves when they say that 
they “need to be careful” when they give so people don’t “depend on them 
or expect more from them! 

 Imagine Jesus saying that! He would never withhold from us in order to 
protect “His” investments or hard earned, “worked to the bone” assets! He gave ALL with no guarantee that we would ever appreciate or value it. 



JUST DO IT! 
Invite another family or friend to your home. Don’t wait to be invited. Take 
the initiative. Eat together around the table in your dining room or kitchen. 
Talk together. Pray together. Start a plan of blessing someone in need that 
you know of - together.
DO YOU HEAR VOICES? 
Stop the mindless chattering that is allowed in most of our self-talking 
heads that allows the flesh to push aside the promptings of the Lord! 

Times are getting tough, and those who have been reluctant to share when 
the times were not nearly where they are heading now, will be called up for 
service again, and asked by the Lord to assist those who 
are perhaps weaker, lesser, and much “leaner” in their provisions. 


Start with something small, something useful. Keep it going. And whatever 
you do, keep it between you and the Lord, where your reward is given 
weight in the records in heaven for eternity, not just for a few fleeting 
strokes of the ego here on earth.
 


THE “PRIVATE THINGS” OF PERSONAL RENEWAL… 
…EXPOSED! 
Begin a private life of personal devotion. Rediscover your prayer closet.
 

"Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, 

Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, 
where he prayed."
 Mark 1:35

Gut it out with God. Confess your dissatisfaction with the stale places 
where you have allowed “moss” to grow over in your devotion to the 
discipline of Reading the words of Jesus, Heeding the words of Jesus, and 
then Feeding the Words of Jesus to the hungry, lost, and scared people 
around you in your daily “Missionary calling” as a follower of the Great Reviver of your soul.

"For this is what the high and lofty One says— 
He who lives forever, whose name is holy: 
 
I live in a high and holy place, 
but also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit, 
 to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite.” 

Isaiah 57:15
 

“FLAT LINING” 
Personal revival is usually needed when something in our walk with the 
Savior has gone into a “Flat line” and needs to be “shocked” back into a 
proper heartbeat. 


The closer we become devoted to and more intimate with The King, The 
Comforter, and Savior, the more near He is to us and, will reveal His daily 
“Divine Appointments” for our lives and for His Glory. 


If Jesus did it to survive- so must we! 
 
“But Jesus would often go to some place where he could be alone and pray.” 

 Luke 5:16
 

WE NEED TO BE ALONE! 
Why? In order to not have the distraction of leaning on someone else to “do the praying or talking” for us for one! We gain 
perspective, and refreshing after repenting, and a “reality check” regarding how we are to live the lifestyle of a Christian in an ever-darkening world 
where morals and values are crumbling at an uncontrollable speed.
 


LET US SEE AND HEAR AND ACT! 
As we face the fallow ground left unfruitful.. (through intentional denial that we allowed this) …in our lives and allow the Father to create a clean heart in us, and renew or “Revive” a right spirit (godly attitude) within it, the soil 
can be a host for seed and harvest. 


He gladly does this! WE are His faith seeds in the soil of Earth!

"He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, 

Will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him." 

Psalm 126:6 

 
"He restores my soul. 
 
He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake."
Psalm 23:3
 


WISDOM FROM THE SPIRIT 

 
If you want present day revelation, you must have a level of solid Christian 
maturity to not only discern it, but to apply it. There are more and more 
”Muddy” approaches regarding how to be wise or savvy in living your life
being sold in bookstores and every media venue out there!
If you want to 
drink or eat re-cycled food…well, be my guest. BUT! If you truly desire 
depth and a secure anchor for surviving and flourishing in any 
circumstance that you surely will have attempt to sidetrack and undermine 
your Godly Destiny, you and I will have to go to THE SOURCE of Wisdom 
and stay there until we “Get it.”
 
"We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, 

But not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, 
who are coming to nothing."

1 Corinthians 2:6
 
"But solid food is for the mature, 

which by constant use have trained themselves
to distinguish good from evil." 

Hebrews 5:14
 

GIVE JESUS JOY! 

 
 "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."
Romans 12:12
These are the attributes of the faithful and true follower of Christ. And, as Jesus watches over our coming and our going, every moment of every day, 
His joy is made complete when He sees the evidence of a restored life being fruitful and steadfast, no matter what the condition of their 
circumstance or surroundings.


Believer. Let us press on into the walk of maturity in Christ where nothing 
shakes or shatters us anymore, because we live in the light of His Glorious Grace.


"So we praise God for the glorious grace 
he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son." 
Ephesians 1:6
 

~ 
QUOTE FROM OSWALD CHAMBERS ~ 
 
"Whenever we are obstinate and self-willed and set upon our own 
ambitions... 
...We are hurting Jesus.
 
Every time we stand on our rights and 
insist that this is what we intend to do,
...We are persecuting Jesus.
 
Whenever 
we stand on our dignity we systematically vex and grieve His Spirit; and 
when the knowledge comes home that it is Jesus Whom we have been 
persecuting all the time,
...It is the most crushing revelation there could be."
 


Duplication and sharing of this writing is welcomed 
as long as complete message, podcast link

and website information 
for Mary Lindow is included. 

Thank You! 
Copyright © 2019  " THE MESSENGER " 
~ Mary Lindow 


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A_child_s_voice_and_the_presence_of_God.

Mary Lindow

When our first son Joel was born, my first thought when I heard him begin to cry was that he sounded like a baby lamb “bleating” for his mother. That sound caused my heart to soar into a moment of overwhelming elation. I was a Mother!! And, “life” had cried out from the new being, birthed from my own body. 

When our second son Timothy was born, I was even more aware than my first birth of the supernatural event taking place. I was being entrusted by God to raise up children to be “Voices of His Promise" on the earth. 

After 33 years of Parenting and watching our two sons develop into strong leaders, husband and having children I would like to share with you the gift of that “sound” or the "legacy" of a generational sound being passed down through three generations. The next part of this message will be, just that. 

A few years ago I was preparing a podcast and our Grandson James-David who was seven years old at the time ( he is 11years old now and still has that perceptive heart, is a drummer and plays piano and sings) was listening to me edit the audio. His Daddy, (Joel) is a gifted musician and vocalist as well and has sung and played for this little boy since he was born. When I had finished recording the message that I was preparing I then asked little James if he would like to hear some music I had been working on for a potential new recording project I was starting to put together. I played the musical piece for him off of my computer where I had been working on it. When it finished, he said to me, “Grandma! That music sounds like God music. It made me feel so happy in my heart!” 

Of course, it made me just burst inside of my own heart with great tenderness toward this perceptive child! Then, he told me that he would like to make a podcast too, just like I did! I asked him what would he want to say and to whom if he “did a podcast". 

His words were, “Grandma. I want to speak to the people who are sad and feel alone and tell them God is there and He loves them. And so… I let him tell me what he wanted to say, …And I recorded him speaking it, as the music that I wrote, played along with his message. Little did I know, that God had timed the music and that little child’s heartfelt prayer to match in not only timing, but in melody and beauty. The music ended just as he did, and he sang out all on his own at the end, without any of my prompting. He had heard the music only twice.

I will not tell you much more… 

…But rather let you hear for yourself, the “Heart cry” of a child, and the spontaneous expression of praise that came out of this moment. I have played it for a few other friends, and the presence of God fell upon them, and there was weeping and a stunned amazement at not only the impact of the message, but also the reality of;

“ A little child shall lead them” type of truth hitting them right between the eyes! (And… into the very middle of their hearts.)

May the “Voice” of God speak to you and move you to worship as He ministers to you through this pure and simple child’s message and prayer. It is God’s gift to the weary, the lonely, and those who hunger for more of a simpler and holy life hidden in the Palm of His hand, saturated in His word. share it with you young children or those who are longing for a sweet and non-commercial moment of holy and pure worship.

“Their children will be mighty in the land. 

The generation of the upright will be blessed.” 

Psalm 112:2

Perhaps you might know of someone who needs to hear the “Voice of God” speaking to them in innocence and pure Grace.” Pass this on to them as a gift, from Heaven.

In His Shadow, Mary Lindow 

www.marylindow.com

Do you or a loved one need prayer? 

There are faithful intercessors around the world, who are ready and who are prepared to pray for you. 

Please send your Requests to:

Globalprayerroom1@gmail.com

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By Mary Lindow

TO LISTEN TO THIS MESSAGE AS AN AUDIO PODCAST

PLEASE SCROLL DOWN TO THE AUDIO PLAYER

AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE.

The question is often asked, "What is the reason for the weak spiritual lives of so many Christians?"

This is an excellent question and it is amazing how little the church responds to Christ's voice, which is ever calling out! How little the church is what Christ wants her to be!

What really is the matter? What truly is needed?

Many answers will be given but there is one answer that includes them all. each believer needs the full eye-opener of a personal Christ as a spiritually internal, “living inside of me”  Lord  and as someone who was a satisfying portion.

When the Lord was here on the earth what was it that distinguished his disciples from other people? I think the answer is that Jesus took them away from their fishnets their busyness and their homes. He gathered them around himself and they knew him.

He was their Master, and he guarded them, and they in turn followed him. What is supposed to make the difference today between Christ's disciples-not those who are just hoping to get to heaven, but those who are Christ's wholehearted disciples-and other people? I think it's this. When Jesus was upon the earth, he was able to keep the disciples with him for three years day after day. Now that Jesus is in heaven, and he is able to do what he could not do when he was upon the earth - to keep in the closest fellowship with every believer throughout the entire world. Imagine this!

You might know the verse in Ephesians: 4:10

“He that descended is the same also that ascended up far above all heavens, that he might  fulfill all things.”

Why was our Lord Jesus taken up to heaven?

Away from the life of earth? He ascended to heaven because the light of the earth is confined to localities, but the light of heaven has no limits, no boundaries, and no localities. He was taken up to heaven so that in the power of God the ever present omnipresent God, that he might be able to fill every one of his followers on earth and be with every individual believer in a personal way.

This is what my heart wants to experience by faith. It is a possibility, it is a promise, it is my birthright, and I want to have it! By the grace of God, I say to Jesus, “Jesus, I will not rest until you have fully revealed your self fully to me.”

How did the disciples get their burning hearts?

Remember that day that they were on the Road to Emmaus? It was through the way in which Christ opened the Scriptures to them. He made it all look different and new, and they saw what they had never seen before! They could not help feeling how wonderful and how heavenly the teaching was!

Many Christians have discovered that the best time of the day is when they can read and pore over their Bibles, and they love nothing more than to find a new spiritual insight. Just like a person who mines diamonds rejoices when they have found a diamond these individuals delight when they get some new thought from the Bible, and they feed upon it.

Yet, even with all of their interest in God's word and with the joy that is stirred in our hearts, when we return to work or attend our daily duties, we find that there is still something missing in our lives.

From time to time…

…We must leave all the many and unique blessings that Jesus gives us,

and come to the one blessing that outshines all of them.

The blessing that Jesus makes himself known, that Jesus is willing to make himself known to us!

If I were to ask you, “Isn't this exactly what you and I need, and what many of us have been longing for?” I am sure you would answer, “Yes! This is exactly what I want!”

Listen to this poetic verse.

“Oh, the peace my Savior gives!

Peace I never knew before,

And my way has brighter grown,

Since I've learned to trust him more.”

An individual in the midst of great trouble and difficulty wrote this poem.

She stated that it brought wonderful comfort and strength to her.

However, how can a person maintain peace in his or her life? It was the presence of Christ that brought the peace; therefore, peace must be sustained through the continual presence of Jesus.

Remember that when the storm on the Sea, was threatening to swallow up the disciples, that it was the presence of Jesus himself that brought the peace.

Do you want peace and rest?

Then you must have Jesus himself.

We talk of purity, and we talk of cleansing. We also talk of deliverance from sin!

Praise God, for the deliverance and the cleansing, when the living Jesus comes and gives us power and strength. It's there that we find that we have that resurrected Christ who sits on the throne, who is making himself known to you and I. This is the secret of purity and the secret of strength.

Perhaps some of you may be now asking,

“How will Christ revealed himself to me? How will he come?” That is the secret no one can know, it is the one that Jesus keeps to himself. It will come in the power of the Holy Spirit. Remember the disciples on the road to Emmaus?

They had a sudden revelation of the living risen Christ!

The Scripture says, “Then they knew Him!” He revealed Himself, he showed Himself fully to them, and then he vanished from their site! Was that moment of Christ visiting them revealing Himself to them worth much? It was over in a minute, yet it was worth heaven, eternity, it was everything!

From that time on Christ's disciples were no longer to relate to him in an earthly way. Thank the Lord that Christ now reveals Himself to each and every one of us by the power of the Holy Spirit. Yet, how He does this is a sacred thing between Christ and each individual believer. Take this as an assurance, “their eyes were opened, and they knew Him,” and believe that this was written for you!

You might be able to say that I have experienced a sad heart at times.

When I mourned that I did not know the living Christ. And I have had times when my heart is slow to believe and have struggled with my lack of faith, and I also know this stage of a burning heart in what I experienced and the  great times of joy and blessedness.

If you can say these things you will come to a place where you have a satisfied heart.

You will have a heart that has been made glad and will last until eternity!

You will have a heart that cannot keep and hold its joy but is poured out on other believers and shared, just as the disciples ran back to the believers in Jerusalem and said, “It is true! Jesus has revealed himself! I know it! I feel it! It has been made personal and real to me, alone!”

Dear child of God.

I'm sure you are asking but how would this revelation come?

Jesus will tell you. Just come to him and say a simple childlike prayer. You need to come to Jesus yourself. What I share with you here today is finished! I have pointed you to the risen One. Now you must step into the presence of the Holy One and begin to crying out, saying, “Oh my precious Lord and Savior! I have come to you and fully abandon my dreams my will, my hopes, and my sorrows.   I have come so that I might have this blessedness with me at all times.

Dear Jesus!  I want you completely the fullness of all that You are. I want to know you personally and completely. Not just simply by hearing the experiences of others. No Lord! I want to know that I can have your blessed presence surrounding me at all times because I am your child and I have been set free from my own condemning self-hatred, religious thinking, performance-based actions, and fear of not measuring up.

Jesus! Help me! Be my portion forever!”

Is this possible? Can we always be thinking of Jesus?

Thank God you don't need to be consistently thinking of him. You may be the manager of a grocery store and your whole attention may require you to carry out the business that you have to do. While you were thinking of your business, Jesus will be thinking of you and He will come in, and if you listen to Him he will take charge of you.

When I was holding my new Grand-daughter just today, (5 months old) I was thinking about when an infant sleeps in his or her mother's or grandmother’s arms, he or she lies there helplessly. He or she hardly even knows it’s mother or grandmother, he or she does not think of her, but the mother and grandmother does think of the child. And this is the great mystery of love.

Jesus waits to come to me in the fullness of His love.

And when He is allowed possession of my heart, He gathers me into those Divine arms and tells me, “My child I am the ever faithful one, I Am the mighty one, and I will remain with you. I Am watching over you and will keep you every day.”

Oh I can hear many of you saying, “Oh, if only I could believe that, if only I could believe it is possible to have Jesus constantly taking and keeping charge me every hour and every minute!”

But you see this is exactly what He said to you. He said these words,

“For low I am with you always”.

He meant it in the fullness of His divine love, and He is longing to show himself to you and to me, as we have never seen Him before.

“Your heart says this is too good to be true,

And that is just too wonderful to be possible for you.”

Still you do admit that it is an amazing way to live!

Oh you fearful one, mistaken one, and anxious one!

I am bringing to you God's promise; it is for me and for you.

Jesus will do it! As God, He is able, and Jesus is willing and longing, having been the crucified one to keep you in perfect peace.

This is a wonderful fact…

… And it is the secret of unspeakable joy.

*****************************************

Duplication and sharing of this writing is welcomed provided that complete message and website information for Mary Lindow is included.

Thank You

Copyright © 2012 " THE MESSENGER " ~ Mary Lindow

www.marylindow.com

www.globalprayerrooms.com

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By Mary Lindow - Through the Holy Spirit

Please scroll down to the bottom of this message to click on the audio player to listen to the podcast, OR Click this link to go there now

http://snd.sc/LNlENV

"PEACE IN THE STORM" - A Meditative Psalm and Prophetic Song of the Lord

My child, have no fear of sudden death, When it comes , proclaim that I am your refuge and your fortress , your God! In whom you place your trust Then I will save you from the impossible places Places where death is waiting to take you. I will cover you with my feathers, Under my wings, you will find refuge.

I will protect you from trouble, and surround you with songs of deliverance! I will demonstrate my faithfulness to you, and to those around you.

The knowledge of my love for you will protect you physically and emotionally. And, when you have discovered this shelter. Stay there! You will always be safe when you do what is righteous and speak the truth, from your heart .

You will no longer fear the terror that night brings, nor the violenc that walks the streets, nor the evil that stalks in darkness. Nor even an untimely death. I WILL command my angels to guard you in all your ways, Then you will go on your way in safety, and your foot will not stumble.

When you lie down, you will not be afraid. When you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. I alone will cause you to dwell in safety, For I AM your God. Have you ever doubted my heart for you? Is that why you find it hard to ask for my help when you are in such great need? Have faith in your heavenly Father! Know that my promises to you are true. If you ask of Me, you will receive! Not on your terms, but on Mine!

If you seek Me – You WILL find Me! I will come to you and I will knock. I will open the door… …For you!

Now I have spoken and I have promised. I have invited you to come to Me. I am now awaiting… …Your response.

I long to spend time alone with you.

My beloved. Sometimes it is hard for you to be transparent when others are around. So get away somewhere private. In your room, or in a quiet garden. And when you come to me in secret, I will demonstrate my goodness to you before many. And they will know of my love – for you.

If you wonder whether I desire to bless you… …Think about this.

Even evil people know how to give good gifts to their children, so just imagine how much more I not only want to do, but also can do for you, if you will just ask me, for I AM your Heavenly Father – The Lord who delights in those who put their Hope… …In My unfailing love.

Now. Speak to Me my child. Tell Me all that is on your heart. Now...Sit back and Listen to the Spontaneous Prophetic Song of the Lord. "I Am The One You Long For"© 2012

Prophetic Meditation and Prophetic Song of the Lord. Peace Psalm - I Am The One You Long For Mary Lindow © 2012

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Dear Friends,

I have a most precious "real life" story to share with you. It is the story and of one very brave and amazing woman. Her name is Karen Elliott and she lives in San Antonio, Texas.

What Karen is about to share on this podcast and written pages will cause you to weep as as well as rejoice at the forgiveness of the Lord and His power to wash away deep traumatizing shame and sorrow.

Share this story with young women, friends, and others with a painful past or current trauma. It is not recommended that you share this with young children due to the sensitive information regarding abortion in it as well as a few detailed graphics.

This testimony has now been aired all over Europe and Israel as well as the USA and other Nations and countries. The Lord is using this tremendous story to tell of His Mercy and Grace.

If you are touched by Karen's brave sharing, please send her an email and bless her as your sister in Christ. If you need someone to talk to about a similar series of events, Karen is on of the most discreet and kind women you could ever share your broken heart with.

In His Shadow, Mary Lindow

“Silent No More” Testimony of Karen Elliott karen.steve@sbcglobal.net

Thank you so much, Ladies and Gentlemen, for the opportunity to speak to you today.   I’d like to share my heart, my life with you.  All I ask is that you please listen with your heart!

You know, I used to ask myself what I wanted to be when I grew up.  There are so many things that interest me that I just wanted to embrace them all.  Art, fashion, interior design, real estate.  I was an art major in college, I had five years of private painting lessons, and painting is a chapter in my life which isn’t over just yet.  I have been under contract with a modeling agency in Texas, because I believe that mature women need to be equally represented in advertising, a trend that is just now coming to the forefront. 

I design interiors for people because I believe God wants us to flourish in our surroundings.  Another one of the things I do is to consult with women about their wardrobes…what sort of styles they should wear for their body type, what colors look good on them, even how to organize their closets so that getting dressed can be easy.

But on a more serious note, I’d like to share some of the secrets that have been hidden away in my closet.  Because you see, all of those things that I loved and embraced were on the surface.  Underneath, there was a secret that I had buried -- a secret that I told no one.

I was born to loving parents who were and still are very much in love with each other ( Karen's Mother has recently passed away).  I was raised in a Christian home and went to church.  I accepted Jesus and was born again in my mother’s bedroom when I was only nine years old.  I was already selfish and self-centered and wanted my own way.  I already needed His saving grace. 

I got married at 19 after two years of college, long before I knew who I was and what I needed in life, much less what I had to offer someone else.  That was what we had in common, and we were soon disappointed in each other.  I went to work immediately while my husband went to college and then law school. 

So much of our life was focused on when we got out of school that we forgot to invest in and enjoy the present.  The goal was more important than the means by which we would attain it.  Church was no part of our life and neither of us thought too much about it.  I occasionally remembered that I felt God had called me to the ministry as a pastor’s wife, but it seemed that no longer had any relevance in my life.  All that mattered is that we had two darling little girls.  After seven years together and much of the enemy’s intervention, we divorced and I went to Atlanta to live with my parents. At 25, divorced with children, and with no college degree, I felt ill-prepared for the workforce and I had to tell everybody within the first five minutes of meeting them that my ex-husband was an attorney.  My whole life had lost its focus.  I had to support myself without my ex-husband’s education and credentials.  It seemed that I had no identity of my own.  You know, when a couple is divorced, the woman is suddenly no longer “the wife.”  The man still has his name, he still has his career, he still has his education.  If the woman did not have a career before marriage, she has to establish herself on her own.  If she marries again, she has yet another name and a new identity to assume. It can be very confusing.  A woman may ask, “Who am I, anyway?”  She searches to establish who she is.  Who she  was  is not who she is  anymore!

Though I had been a Christian most of my life, my identity was wrapped up in being the wife of my ex-husband.  So when my marriage ended, I experienced an identity crisis.  God wanted my identity to be wrapped up in Him, not in another person.

After my divorce, I started dating, and for the next couple of years I had very stringent rules for myself.  But the unthinkable happened!  I found myself pregnant!  It was not the Immaculate Conception!  I was old enough to know better!  How could I have been so stupid?  The choices I had made had trapped me!

The devil began warring on my senses.  Now I felt I had no choice!  If I were to have this baby, my ex-husband could say that I was an unfit mother and might try to take my children away from me!  I felt I had to act fast.  I decided I had to terminate the pregnancy.  I made a call to a man I knew who made the arrangements for an abortion.  The details are as vivid as though they all happened last week.

I could not have been more than four or five weeks pregnant.  After the procedure, I passed a tiny piece of pink flesh which was the beginning of a little baby.  It was not a blood clot like we sometimes have during periods of heavy flow; it was unmistakable.  I will never forget what I saw.

That image has haunted me, when I least expect it, and has never been forgotten even though I have kept my secret entirely hidden for many years. In a book by Francine Rivers called The Atonement Child,  many passages pierced my heart.  The words expressed so many thoughts and emotions that I have felt.  I would like to share one of these passages with you.

Quote: “She had sought a way out, any way out, and then had lied to get the money for an abortion, sacrificing her unborn child.  And since then, she had lied to herself and others.  Sowing seeds of destruction.  Why had she done it?  To hide her shame?  To pretend the past couldn’t harm her?  To avoid condemnation?  And what had she accomplished?  She was ashamed, hurting, and condemned anyway.  She could have made a hundred excuses for herself – and did – but none mattered.  None helped heal the secret pain within her because her own blood cried out against her.  You can’t run away from God!”

I had thought that an abortion wouldn’t matter, that no one would ever know, and I would just continue life as usual.  Isn’t the woman the one to make the choice about what happens to her own body?  Why hadn’t I made another choice a long time ago, saving myself from this dilemma?  I thought that the decision to abort was the end of it.  God did forgive me when I wept and repented before Him.  How could I have known that it would come back into my conscience more than 30 years later with such glaring detail? I married the man whose baby was aborted.  We were only married a month when he filed bankruptcy.  Life seemed to be a financial roller coaster and we were doomed with financial woes.  No matter how much money we made, we never had enough to pay everyone who wanted to be paid.  We were not tithing and we were not going to church.  I was taking birth control pills and got pregnant! 

The next year our precious son was born and now we had what you could call a “blended” family.  I tell you about the financial problems so you can see that I began to live under a curse of insufficiency.   Bill collectors were always calling.  There was never enough money. Our marriage just unraveled with all sorts of sin.  By this time I had become an astrological expert, and I could, with just a few details of your birth date, time and location, tell you more than you knew about yourself.  I attributed it all to God who was All-powerful, All-knowing, and All-creative.  He was absolutely able to put all of your characteristics and personality into your tiny body depending upon when and where you were born.  I was VERY convincing and had a lot of “believer-followers.”  My door was always open and the coffee pot was always on. 

Then one day, in desperation, I knelt down beside my bed and I asked Jesus to help me with my life and my children.  I had not been doing a very good job with any part of it.  He was right there as soon as I called His Name.  Soon after that we   enrolled the girls in a Christian school. 

I began to feel that we needed some continuity between school and home.  We started going to church and one morning I just could not quit crying.  The pastor invited me to come to his study the following week to talk and right there I was baptized in the Holy Spirit.  When I left the church, my car just transported me to a church member’s house, where I  never had been before.  They welcomed me and invited me to stay for lunch with them and the youth pastor who was also visiting at the time.  As we discussed the Holy Spirit, they asked me to renounce all the forms of the occult. 

I had been involved in everything - astrology, fortune-telling, tarot cards, ouiji boards, tea leaves – you name it!  It was then that I received my prayer language and I began to pray in tongues. 

A friend of mine called the next day to tell me that she had given birth to her first child in a neighboring state.  I could not tell the baby’s astrological sign and I still cannot to this day.  I was totally delivered from all of the occult!  I burned and destroyed all of the books and items related to astrology, worth more than $1,000! God miraculously set me free from that whole part of my life!  I thought I was no longer under the curse, but problems continued to plague our marriage and I ended up divorced again. 

Within a couple of years, I married again.  This time I decided that I was only going to marry a Christian.  I might as well have said I was going to marry the next red-haired man who crossed the street!  I started going to church and praying with this man, but my spirit was warning me.  I charged ahead into a relationship that was like oil and water.     

We were never able to live in harmony even though we stayed married for 13 years.  My children were unhappy, our finances were pitiful, I was deathly ill, and we were living in a constant state of war.  Because I was not able to keep current on the payments, I was given a notice of foreclosure on the house.  I went through the house proclaiming all the scriptures in Gloria Copeland’s wonderful book entitled, GOD’S WILL FOR YOU IS PROSPERITY.  I spoke to the windows, the doors, the walls, the floors!  No devil was going to take them from me!

I entered a state of faith in God’s Word and one night before the house was to be sold on the courthouse steps, I received a call from a man who offered to pay the court in return for a second mortgage on the house!  It was a stay of execution!  The Lord had delivered me and my house! 

During this marriage, the government demanded our boat and trailer to pay taxes we owed, the bank repossessed our car, we could not pay our mortgage payments, and I finally had to file bankruptcy to keep my home.  Another stay of execution!  I ended up paying off the court, the fees, and all my debtors because my original in-laws loaned me the money and told me THEY did not want my house! 

I shall always be grateful for their kindness to me in a time of need.  Over the next few years, I fully repaid them by the grace of God, who always made a way for me.  During this whole period of my life, I would be under so much pressure, unable to sleep because of so much tension.  I plunged from one crisis to another, and the relief that came was always temporary….another crisis always hit.

I remember getting up during the night in turmoil and to begin thanking God for my blessings.  As I did this, I would eventually come to the place of true praise with my hands lifted to Him, dancing around in my kitchen! I would sing, “Count your blessings, name them one by one, count your many blessings, see what God hath done!”  The Lord did enable me to overcome my circumstances.

However, there were some other circumstances that came into my life which were not financial.  It was my health. I found out that I had fibroid tumors which required a complete hysterectomy, and while in the hospital, the doctors discovered a lump in my breast.  This, of course, is part of the lingering curse from having had an abortion, though I did not make the connection then. After this time, I came into a new season in my professional life.  I had become a successful businesswoman in real estate in Atlanta, Georgia.  One of my coworkers was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.  Exactly one year later she died and was buried.  My emotions were raw over the loss of my friend.  I left the next day to help my youngest daughter move to  Philadelphia.  While there, I discovered a new lump in my breast.  Alarming as that new health concern was, there were still more scary circumstances of a different nature just around the corner. 

As I flew back to Atlanta a few days later, two Canadian geese were sucked into the engine at takeoff.  We had to make an emergency landing back in Philadelphia with foam on the runway. 

Completely shaken, I vowed that if I only had one year to live, like my friend, I would not live my life like I had been!! I set about to change it.  I filed for divorce and put my house up for sale.  Within a few months, my housing and marital status had changed.

Then, one day, my high school sweetheart – Steve- and I began a long-distance friendship by telephone. I called it a “phoneship!”  I was in Atlanta; he was a thousand miles away in San Antonio, Texas.  The Lord said to me one day as I was dressing, “I have chosen Steve to restore the years the locusts have eaten in your life and for you to do the same for him.”

A year after I had decided to change my life,  Steve came to see me.  We only saw each other on four different occasions.  Then we got married in Georgia and I moved back to Texas.   Over the last fourteen years Steve and I have been closely involved with various people, churches and ministries that have continuously taught us in the ways of the Lord  and helped us understand that together we have a call to the nations!  We can say now that we have a global vision.  One day the Lord impressed me to have the word “restoration” inscribed in our wedding rings, which Steve did the very next day.  Truly, we are experiencing restoration in its fullness.  Jesus will transform your life when you let Him!

Once I was scheduled to go on an antiques- buying trip to Paris on the first of March with my employer, an interior design firm.  As I was praying about it, I distinctly felt God by His Spirit say, “No.”  That was on a Saturday.  Two days later at a Christian conference taught by Alan Vincent, I introduced myself to the woman sitting beside me.  It was Mary Lindow from Colorado.  She felt impressed to invite me to join her and the U.S. ministry team at the first-ever Women’s Conference in Strasborg, France, to be held in three weeks. I told her I would pray about it and let her know.  My husband was very supportive and encouraged me to go.  All week I enjoyed the teaching of the Word, but I secretly was in turmoil over this decision.  Satan was constantly telling me I wasn’t good enough.

Finally, on the last day of the conference, as I was sitting at the back of the room it seemed God said to me, “Karen, you are 60 years old.  When are you going to start?”  You see, I had told the Lord for years that I wanted to be on the cutting edge of whatever He wanted to do on the earth!   Immediately,   I realized that God DID have something for me to do.  It didn’t matter if I felt unsure and inadequate.  I had listened to too many years of Satan’s accusations against me, seeking to diminish me and tell me I could not be useful to God.  He had kept me squelched under his thumb long enough!  It is true that you put Fire on God’s altar when you answer, “Yes!”  I did say, “Yes, Lord, yes!”  It felt glorious!  I ran to tell Mary that I would go!  Two weeks later I was in Germany and France in life-changing ministry as part of the team!   After I returned home, I was on my way to a prayer meeting about abortion.  There were representatives there from an organization that is seeking to end abortion through America’s court system.  The organization is called the Justice Foundation. As I was driving, I said out loud, “Well, God, I hope You don’t expect me to have anything to do with that!” At that moment, the Holy Spirit filled my being and I began to realize that what God wanted was no less than what I wanted for myself.  “Restoration!”    

Near the end of April I wrote out my personal statement, also known as an affidavit, admitting the secret of my abortion. God led me to share the affidavit with Mary while she was visiting me later that same year in June.  I also shared it with a friend of mine, Eileen Vincent, who later became very involved in Prayer for the Justice Foundation.   

They were both so kind and understanding, and prayed with me to have the courage to do everything that God was calling me to do. 

Well, my affidavit lay there – hidden in the file folder all summer.  What was I waiting for?

I had been asked for the very first time to give my testimony and it was for a Christian women’s meeting called AGLOW in San Antonio, Texas the following September. I knew that God wanted me to finally reveal my secret – that which had remained hidden for so, so long in the closet of my heart.  I knew I must first share my testimony with my husband and children.  Their reaction was wonderful.  Instead of shame and condemnation, they were so accepting of me!  I was so proud of them! I went to the Justice Foundation to have my paper notarized and turn it in.  As I left their office, I felt that something really remarkable had happened.  My act of obedience to reveal the secret in my closet would allow God to use me in new ways.  Two thousand affidavits were turned in from all over the country and were finally sent to the Supreme Court of the US to help overturn legalized abortion in America!  I was so pleased that my affidavit was among them.

I have come into full agreement with God’s TRUTH, and that truth is that “it is not in the human or legal interest of any mother to kill her own child.  A mother’s true interest is in her child’s LIFE and her relationship with her child.  Abortion should come to an end.”

I don’t know what the statistics are, but women who have had abortions are much more likely to develop breast cancer and they are also very often unable to have more children. The Lord allowed me to have a son in spite of my sin.  The blood of Jesus is enough, for He has forgiven me. I asked for and received that forgiveness more than 35 years ago.  But God wasn’t really through. 

He has been leading me to give my testimony so that all of us who have been through this awful act will have the courage to come forward and admit what we have done.  By coming out into the open, we can end hell’s grip on our lives.  We can be free of the trauma, the guilt, and the shame.  Researchers describe something called, “Post Abortion Syndrome” as a woman’s inability to process the fear, anger, sadness and guilt surrounding her abortion.  She may have trouble with these emotions as well as grieving the loss of her baby, and coming to peace with God, herself, and the others involved in the abortion decision.  A woman can experience many lasting effects from an abortion, including, guilt, crying, flashbacks, sadness, anger, anxiety, sleeping problems, relationship problems, alcohol abuse, depression, eating disorders, drug abuse, and suicidal thoughts. Those secrets that remain hidden continue to have power over you, and what I’m wanting to do is to help women see that if they can come to terms with abortion, that Satan’s hold and power over them would end.  Like a bomb, I had to detonate abortion’s power so it wouldn’t be something that Satan could use to keep me bound.

In answer to my question, “What was I waiting for?”  God has a plan for my life that is constantly unfolding.  That date with AGLOW in September was another turning point in my life.  It was the same month in 1969 that I had had an abortion, ending a little life so recently begun.   I began my journey of sharing my testimony and doing my part to help end abortion more than thirty years later. Is there anything hidden in your closet?  Has Satan been talking to you, like he talked to me, keeping you silent and squelched, unable to answer the Lord’s call, like he did to me?  Has he rendered you ineffective in your life?

Today we can break agreement with the enemy.  We can choose to believe what God says about us.  We can say, “Yes, Lord.”  Why don’t you make a decision to give 100 percent to Jesus?  He’ll take you to new places, doing new things, and He will restore the years the locusts have eaten in your life!  Whatever we have done in the past or whatever has been done to us or someone we love will lose its power when we put our fire on God’s altar by saying, “Yes, Lord, Yes!”  Whatever the Lord God asks YOU to do, do it!

If there has been an abortion in your past, I encourage you today to silence the enemy once and for all!!!  Won’t you decide today to be silent and shameful no more?

Duplication and re-transmission of this writing is welcomed provided that complete source and website information for Mary Lindow is included. Thank You Copyright © 2012 " THE MESSENGER " ~ Mary Lindow www.marylindow.com

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By Mary Lindow

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I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14

WE ARE STRANGE AND EXQUISITE CREATURES. We can ache for God tremendously; yet find ourselves getting nervous if God gets too close! After all, the closer God gets, the more we hear the call to be “unpolluted”.

It is both exciting and frightening to hear that call!

A STORY “Once upon a time there was a little plant that was small and whose growth was stunted, for it lived under the shade of a giant oak tree.

The little plant valued the shade that covered it and highly enjoyed and lavished the quiet rest that it’s majestic friend provided. Yet there was a greater blessing prepared for this little plant.

One day a lumberjack entered the forest with a sharp ax and cut down the giant oak! The little plant began to weep, crying out, “My shelter has been taken away”. Now every fierce wind will blow on me, and every storm will seek to uproot me!”

The guardian angel of the little plant responded, “NO! Now the sun will shine and showers will fall on you more abundantly than ever before! Now your stunted form will spring up into loveliness, and your flowers, which could never have grown to full perfection in the shade, will laugh in the sunshine. Many will say, look how that plant has grown. How gloriously beautiful it has become by removing that which was it’s shade and comfort!

THE TRAINING OF A SPIRITUAL COMRADE We need to see that the Lord wisely trains his soldiers by calling them to difficult travels and service. He strengthens them through wildernesses and mountains. God knows that spiritually armed Soldiers can only be developed in battle and are not developed in times of calm. We can only become true seasoned soldiers of Christ when we train and serve in the preparation time of the inhospitable surroundings.

TRUST FOR A SEASON! It's all about trusting God in the end. Oh yes it is! We often ask in the heat of difficult battles whether they are mental battles, spiritual battles, and financial battles…”Will He REALLY refresh us in this time of struggle?” His Loving Word says so.

“For I satisfy the weary ones And refresh everyone who languishes." Jer. 31:25

THE LORD IS PRODUCING STAMINA… …WHETHER WE LIKE IT OR NOT! “Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; For once he has been approved, He will receive the crown of life, Which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.” James 1:12

THE FATHER IS URGING US TO RUN TO HIM, TO CRY TO HIM! He is there! Even in this fog of struggle, loss, anxiety, or seeming success! He wants us to be desperate for Him and is training us to rely on His voice. To make our decisions based on His plan for the whole earth!

TIE YOURSELF TO THE HAND OF GOD! Get a "rope of expectation"(the word of God) and tie yourself to it. Hold on! The boding evil is nearly over!

“The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness And put on the armor of light.” Romans 13:12

INTIMATE PLACE OF COMMUNICATION It would be a powerful opportunity for all of us to get on our knees in an “intimate place of communication” with the Lord, and refresh our commitment to purity, and with a willing heart to yield to the bidding of the Father.

They charge like warriors; they scale walls like soldiers. They all march in line, not swerving from their course. Joel 2:7

LET OUR HEARTS WILLINGLY... …Give Him Room to Move Freely in our daily actions in this Life.

We do this by clearing away or removing anything that feeds and pampers our flesh and our own concepts of the Kingdom.

WE PREPARE HIM A PLACE At throne in our hearts from which He can reign and activate His anointing.

No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs— He wants to please his commanding officer. 2 Timothy 2:4

1 John 2:27 As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about all things and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit—just as it has taught you, remain in him.

*********************************************** Duplication and sharing of this writing is welcomed provided that complete source and website information for Mary Lindow is included. Thank You Copyright © 2011 " THE MESSENGER " ~ Mary Lindow www.marylindow.com

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