Mary Lindow ~ The Messenger Podcast

women leaders

Episodes

Monday Dec 11, 2023


By Mary Lindow
I had just worked four days and had put in 46 hours on my feet. I was tired. I had spoken life and ministered to many people in my position as an office manager and chiropractic assistant to a wonderful Doctor that loves people and loves God. But nonetheless, I was tired.
 
I had been asked to come and minister at a women’s gathering on my day off, which would be Friday evening. I rested part of the day, did laundry the rest of the day and spoke to the Lord and prepared what he was giving me for the evening ministry meeting.
 
As I Got In The Car, I Noticed That My Indicators Were Telling Me There Was Something Wrong With The Car. Engine light flashing, cruise button not working and I had no time to spare to get to the meeting on time. So, I simply prayed, put my pedal to the metal and prayed all the way there.
 
When I Arrived, The Room Was Filled With Tired, Weary Women, Who Had Also Been Working Hard. Many of them, single mothers, many of them were parents who had taken on the adoption of their children’s children, because their own children had gone wild and embraced a lifestyle of drugs and freedom. They were pouring everything they had into these grandchildren, yet they still came. Many in the room we’re still seeking employment because they had lost previous jobs due to economic down change. And there, sitting in the church were young pregnant mothers.
 
Also, in the room were teenage high school girls and there I was, sent in my fatigue, to speak to them about the hope of Christ. I can tell you, I am so grateful for time in the word and time in prayer that anchors us and shows us the purpose beyond our own, as to why God sends us into different places.
 
I Was Honest, I Was Raw, And I Was Right In Front Of Them As One Of Them. As I began to talk about what it means to be in the presence of God, to really know him and his presence, and that it is there for us to draw from, to drink from, in order to survive this cruel world, something in the room began to change.
 
We are all aware of when the presence of God comes into a meeting and we call it the glory of God, Or We Call It The “Shekinah Glory”, Or The Holy Presence Of The Lord, And All Of This Is Very True! But in this meeting there was such a kindness and such tenderness towards this room of women who showed up on a Friday night after a long workweek, just to come in hope that they could touch the hem of his garment.
 
There were people in that group from about 11 years old all the way up to I would say late 70s. But every single one of them were women created in the fashion that God wanted them to be made in. Each of them still has dreams alive inside of them, even if their bodies are aging and are beginning to slow down a bit. There’s a fire inside of them that God wants to keep lit so that he may use them to the fullest.
 
But How Do You Address Those Situations With Multiple Generations? You talk to them about how much God loves them. You tell them about the hope that Jesus brings and then you get honest and tell them where you are!
 
When You Don’t Put Yourself On A Pedestal or lift up the icon of “your great knowledge of the Lord”, but instead, you get in the boat with them, they suddenly feel that they can receive from something or someone who “gets where they are at”.
 
I told stories of when I was a young girl, and first came to know the Lord and I had the young girls laughing, and it was so wonderful! But the Lord gave me their attention then.
 
I began to talk about raising children and how frightening it can be in a world where the narratives are screaming to influence our children’s minds, and I cheered the mothers on who are willing to do the hard things of homeschooling or be on top of the things their children are learning at school and to be vocal.
 
I talked about what it means to have pain in a family and to see children suffer, to see orphaned and adopted children come into your home, and you love, and care and nurture them as your very own.
 
And, I talked about when our bodies begin to change and grow a bit weaker and a bit older, the things we must do to remain strong in the Lord and yet what we can do with what we have, and how we can walk the floors in prayer, how we can be in the church building and pray for those who need to know Christ, and if we can’t walk, we can ride in our car and drive around and pray for our neighborhoods.
 
You See The Nurturing Quality Of God Is Real!
It is the Holy Spirit in a mothering form, but it also has to come across with direction.
 
People Are Looking For Direction Today.
They need to see a course set out before them that has light and hope, and the wonderful woman of God, Deborah in the scriptures, had a journey, and a story to tell that in fact, turned her nation around because she chose to work and do the hard things in her community, where God began to then build a rapport with those who would even go to war and lead the armies.
 
God Is Raising Up Many Deborahs In This Hour. Many who have been silent and quiet. Maybe it’s your wife, maybe it’s your daughter, and maybe it’s your grandmother.
 
But right now there are women who see on the horizon, the great and dark, gloomy agendas of the world. And Friends, when you have a mother’s, fighting spirit and you have experience, there is nothing you will not do to stand up and protect your family and to go to war in the kingdom of God.
 
“God's eyes are searching to and fro over the earth looking for a heart that is fully His.”  -2 Chronicles 16:9
 
What caught His eye when He came to Deborah?
Was it the uncompromising fire of holiness, an unwavering faith or an unrelenting love that set her apart? Was it something about the integrity of her character, the depth and integrity of her wisdom and the richness of her kindness, which produced confidence in both men and women? 
 
THE LORD IS SO JEALOUS
FOR EACH ONE OF US
TO LOVE HIM AND KNOW HIM!
 
When We Start To Move Away From Him, He Allows Evil Kings To Oppress Us. The Word tells us that God is the one who appoints evil kings and magistrates, but He also rises up the godly judges and kings!
 
Deborah was the fourth judge and for the first 20 years of her 40-year reign, the nation was oppressed by one of history's most powerful and cruel Canaanite Kings, Jabin, and his sneaky military commander, Sisera. (Judges 4:1-4)
 
Deborah Captured The Heart Of God!
What is amazing is that the Lord raised up a woman to deliver a nation! What is especially surprising is that it happened in the Middle East thousands of years ago! Deborah was not only a wife, mother, intercessor, psalmist and prophetess but also a judge and a national deliverer. That’s not a bad resume for a middle-aged woman living in that oppressive Middle Eastern culture!
 
Against Great Odds, God Used Her Powerfully.
Deborah broke outside of her culture but she wasn't in rebellion, she was in obedience -- to her God. She was used radically and set her people free, and the people loved her. It's a wonderful story of faith in God, and it champions men and women partnering together in a war to save their nation from great oppression.
When we read about this revolutionary prophetess and judge, it expands our religious studies of women being allowed to lead governmentally. But I really feel that God is raising up a troupe of end-time Deborahs.
 
THERE IS GREAT GLOBAL SHAKING
THAT HAS ONLY JUST BEGUN,
AND THE LORD IS CALLING NOT ONLY
THE MEN, BUT ALSO THE WOMEN OF GOD!
 
The Lord is saying,
“ARISE! SHINE Deborahs!
Be a part of the army of the Lord!”
 
There Are Two Root Words For Consecrate In Hebrew: never (separating from) and cades (separating unto).
Deborah, Like The Other Defenders Of The Faith, Was Separated From The World And Unto God. She did nothing on her own but spoke just what the Father taught her.
This is where the true victory lies,
in listening to Him.
 
Deborah's Work History
We tend to think of multi-tasking as a 21st century sensation, but Deborah was functioning in five major roles. Many scholars believe that one of Deborah's roles before becoming judge was being a lamp lighter in the temple.
 
In The Bible, Oil Is Often A Symbol For The Holy Spirit. Deborah was married to Lapidoth, whose name means, shine, lamp, flame, burning lamp, lightening, and torch. Isn't it interesting? He, too, was a lamp that had oil!
 
Deborah Was A Keeper Of The Oil And Light, Carefully Tending The Lamps. This shows us that she was a woman who was passionately spending long hours dwelling in the temple.
She was a woman of prayer and of worship. She lived between two villages, Ramah and Bethel, in Ephraim, which means the valley of fruitfulness.
 
Biblical Names Often Have Profound Prophetic Meanings. The ancient village of Ramah was known to be the seat of high adultery.
Bethel was known as the house of the Lord with open heavens, where Jacob had his ladder experience in Genesis 28.
 
Deborah stood in the gap interceding between the seat of high idolatry and pagan worship and the house of Bethel with its open heavens.
Now The Picture Becomes A Little Clearer As“ Deborah Was Raised Up By God To Intercede Against Idolatry (Ramah). She wanted to turn the hearts of the children of Israel back to the house of God (Bethel) to inherit a double portion of fruit (Ephraim).
 
Deborah's Relationship With The Lord Was Very Precious And Intimate.
I believe that in those twenty years of captivity, Deborah stood in the gap and interceded to change the course of Israel. God promised Abraham, in Genesis 18, that He would save a nation for the sake of ten righteous men. I believe that the righteous prayers of Deborah availed much!
 
She Worshipped And Had A Deep Intercessory Life With God. She would go into the temple and fill the lamps with oil and ask God for revelation for people around her in great darkness.
 
She was prepared in this secret place as she stood in the gap in desperate intercession for her people and her nation. She would hear from God and would bring down great wisdom and counsel.
 
She Spent Long Hours In The Temple.
This dedication moved the very heart of God and changed the very heart of Deborah.
He led, she followed.
She led, Israel followed.
 
Oftentimes we have the misunderstanding that worship is merely the thirty-minute time slot before the sermon, when we sing songs of devotion to God. This is part of worship.
 
But Doing Small Things With Great Love Unto Him Is Living A Life Of Worship. Deborah was a worshipper who loved the oil of the lamps, the Holy Spirit.
 
We Need To Be Like Deborah, Men And Women Of Prayer. Sincere and passionate prayer is the key to unlock our relationship with Almighty God.
 
Many struggle with praying because they feel that their intercession is not much more than empty cries to an invisible God who seems so distant. We often think that our prayers bounce off the ceiling and back to us unheard and unanswered.
 
But Beloved! God Loves Conversing With You!
He promises that He will hear you and answer!
 
IT TAKES ONLY A FEW SECONDS OF
A FACE-TO-FACE ENCOUNTER WITH GOD,
TO CHANGE THE COURSE OF HUMAN HISTORY
FOR YOU, YOUR CITY, OR YOUR NATION.
 
In Fact, Connecting With God Is The Highest Purpose For Which You Were Created!
This is eternal life to know me! (John 17:3)
 
Our Hunger For God Is What Fuels Our Prayer Life. When His presence is our passion and our hunger is for His heart, we can approach the throne of God boldly with the confidence that our Papa loves our prayers, but having this first love is so important. 
 
For Deborah, intercession was an exchange of ideas in which God began to download strategic battle plans, blue prints from heaven, and keys to open doors that no man can shut, and shut doors that no man can open. Isa. 22:22 How else could she have so wisely judged so many civil cases with the Israelites?
 
The journey of Deborah is a declaration
of the power of just ONE life…
…Fully set apart for God.
 
Deborah Stood As A Prophetic Representation,
a suggestion that as a woman who may have been weaker in her physical attributes, she had the word of God! She had a history of going in and lighting the lamps.
 
She Had A History Of Hearing The Voice Of God In The Secret Place. So swiftly, when the hour came for her tangibly to go into war, she was ready. She was in the place to say yes because she knew the voice of her God.
 
What Is The Reason Why God Was Attracted To The Life Of Deborah? Prophetess Deborah functioned in the divine dimension of a spirit of wisdom and revelation. It was almost as if God had supernaturally, placed a divine compass in her, always guiding her to Him. The judging that Deborah did so well might have been because of her gift as a prophetess.
 
She would have been able to make wise decisions if she saw well in the Spirit. She was humble, willing and wise.
 
In Matthew Henry's Commentary, he writes:
“She was a woman of illuminations, or of splendors, one extraordinarily known and wise, and so came to be eminent and illustrious. She was intimately acquainted with God, she was a prophetess, and one that instructed others in divine knowledge by the inspiration of the Spirit of God, and had gifts of wisdom, to which she attained not in an ordinary way; she heard words of God, and she probably saw visions of the Almighty. She was totally devoted to Israel. After Jehovah, Israel was she first love.”
 
Deborah Was One Who Received Fresh Instructions From Heaven,and though she knew how evil the oppression of King Jabin was, she also knew that with God anything is possible! Something in Deborah knew how to pull on the sources of heaven, standing in the guidance of the Lord (Jer. 23) and open her mouth and let Him fill it (Psa. 81:10).
 
She Was A Mother Of Israel.
What made this woman a mother of Israel?  Deborah loved well.
Imagine facing the unending line of people all needing a touch of heaven. Imagine her tired eyes looking out on the faces of His design as she felt the ache in their hearts for God. They had come so far, how could they leave empty handed? The eleven other scattered tribes of Israel walked for miles and risked their lives on the dangerous highways as they struggled through to hear from God, through Deborah's voice. 
 
In Judges 5:6-8, listen to what she says.
“The highways were deserted, and the travelers walked along the byways. Village life ceased, it ceased in Israel, until I, Deborah, arose, Arose a mother in Israel. They chose new gods; then there was war in the gates.”
I believe that Deborah could hear the groans of the Israelites who were oppressed for 20 years and feel the throbbing pain in God's heart over His people's sin and oppression.
 
I Believe That It Was Her Ability To Hear His Heartbeat That Allowed Her To Save A Nation In A Day. Deborah ruled with the sword of a prophet but the staff of a shepherd -- she truly loved God's people.
She always led well. She led by loving.
 
Military Policymaker Deborah Was More Than A Judge; She Was Used To Deliver Israel From The Second Longest Captivity. As a prophetess and military strategist, she called the nation to war. She not only brandished the hand of God but also operated with the heart of God. You see, Deborah was a deliverer!
She Loved The People And They Loved Her.
She Delivered Them From A Great Enemy.
 
The Lord literally issued a clear prophetic word to summon Barak, the Israeli commander, to rally the troops for battle against impossible odds.
Why? Because the Hebrews had no weapons -- none. They had all been taken away by the Canaanites.
 
God Showed Deborah The Secrets Of How To Win The Battle. She brought a holy “about-face” to the wicked plans of Israel. When the city gates were at war, Deborah, a mother of Israel who was willing to lay down her life for her God and county, arose.
 
Why We Need Deborahs To Arise And Shine Today
There is a cry going out
from the hearts of God’s people
about the oppression the church is under
 from the enemy.
 
Heaven Is Aware Of The Issues Affecting The People Of God. But, until a cry goes out from the people of God, the hands of Heaven are tied.
 
Without A Cry, We Show We Are Satisfied Or Comfortable With The Way Things Are. The harassment had been going on for well over 20 years. How long do we put up with things before we cry out for change? 
 
GOD HAS BEEN WATCHING AND STIRRING UP DEBORAHS
FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW
AND THE TIMING IS RIGHT.
 
When We Get To The Place
To Where Revival Itself Isn’t Enough,
But We Must See Change Take Place,
We Know We Are On The Verge
Of Something Great.
 
We Have Got To Get To The Place
That We Don’t Just Want Change,
But We Are Willing To Rise Up
And Put Our Hands To The Plow,
To See Change Occur.
 
Actions truly do speak louder than words.
 
Deborah Represents The Steadiness And Dependability Necessary To Both Win And Keep Victory. Barak means “lightning flash”. That is temporary.
We don’t need a temporary fix or a temporary anointing. If a temporary, quick fix was enough; we would be in a great position by now! We didn’t get to where we are at quickly, and the victory must be won with reliability and dedication.
 
When Deborah Arose, The Warriors Returned. There is a group of God’s warriors who are waiting for someone to rise up and lead them back to the place and position for which they have been created.
God bestowed peace and victory for 40 years. The time of victory was twice as long as the time of oppression. The sad part is that after the 40 years, the Israelites went back to their wicked ways and found themselves in a place of oppression again.
 
Let Us Be Men And Woman Who Will Stand In The Breach
And Go Before God And Cry Out In Intercession These Very Words,
 
“Lord, we need restoration!
Lord, we need the Kingdom of God to
break in with the resurrection power of life!”
 
This Is A Call To Combat!
This is a call for you to say that you want to hear the voice of God…
… From the secret place.
“Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom
that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful,
and so worship God acceptably,
with reverence and awe.”
-Hebrews 12:28
 
Duplication and sharing of this writing is welcomed, as long as the complete message, Website, podcast link and information for Mary Lindow is included.
Thank You! 2023
"THE MESSENGER"  - Mary Lindow
www.marylindow.com
www.marylindow.podbean.com
 
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Friday Jan 21, 2022


 Prophetic Insights From the Holy Spirit
through Mary Lindow
 
Do you not say, 'Four months more and then the harvest'?
I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields!
They are ripe for harvest.  - John 4:35
 
 
PLANT YOUR FEET AND DETERMINE NOT TO LOOK BACKWARD.
The enemy will assault you to press you backwards.
Have I not said, "without a prophetic vision the people perish and go backwards?” 
I am ready to revisit areas that have advanced my purposes but retreated at the day of battle. 
 
THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF THE SHAKING OF GOVERNMENTS. 
There must be a confrontation of governments. My government on earth is arising and causing entire regions to shake. I am restoring and rising up leaders. 
 
IN THE PAST SEASON, MY GIFT WITHIN LEADERS COULD NOT FIND ITS PLACE IN MY GOVERNMENT. However, now I am causing governments and gifts to divinely “find one another" and to connect.
 
This is creating great shakings from region to region throughout this land.
This alignment is creating a shift in civil government.
 
TODAY IS A DAY OF BREAKING OFF THAT WHICH CAUSED MY LEADERS TO RETREAT FROM THE VISITATIONS OF THE PAST. 
Many advanced and then quit and retreated! 
 
NOW IS A TIME TO ADVANCE! 
I am restoring many of you to lead this advance. 
There will be great connections occurring in My Body in this advance. 
This will be the beginning of confronting sorceries, astrology, and witchcraft, which have produced control. I am sending you forward and I am releasing supernatural wisdom. This wisdom will cast down the sorcerers, astrologers, and those practicing witchcraft throughout regions. 
 
LOVE AND CONFIDENCE IS ARISING IN MY BODY. 
The past three years have been a time of restoring a level of worship, humility, meekness and purity in your calling and boldness in the choices you make! 
 
FROM WORSHIP YOU WILL NOW MOVE INTO A NEW SUPERNATURAL DIMENSION. 
Do not fear this call to the supernatural!
The Baal systems of this nation will begin to strengthen to keep my new refreshing strategies from forming and advancing in your region.
Do not fear these systems, but keep confronting through prayer, the powers that have attached themselves to the structures of governments in your region. 
 
I WILL MAKE YOU INTO A SUPERNATURAL PEOPLE
WHO CAN RISE UP AND OVERTHROW
THAT WHICH HAS CONTROLLED YOU IN THE PAST.
 
MY PEOPLE ARE BECOMING A NEW, SHARP THRESHING INSTRUMENT.
This threshing is producing shaking.
This shaking is releasing harvest.
The harvest will not rot in the fields of neglect or laziness. 
 
THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF A POWERFUL CONSUMING FIRE. 
When these occult structures are overthrown, consuming fire will sweep through this nation. And you will set my name upon the high places!
My all-consuming light will address the idols and temples of religious shame and control. 
 
I HAVE GIVEN SO MANY WHO CALL THEMSELVES “MY ANOINTED” MUCH, MUCH, TIME TO DEAL WITH THE HIDDEN SINS.
Sins in their marriages.
Sins of competition, jealousy over who is used by me, and harsh verbal words of shame used to control and break the will of another servant in my calling.
Some have called themselves my servants but have only served their own purposes in a place of self-comfort and self-promotion, letting others do the labor in prayer.
 
 Jeremiah 7:24 says,
“But they did not listen or pay attention;
instead, they followed the stubborn inclinations of their evil hearts. 
THEY WENT BACKWARD AND NOT FORWARD.” 
 
 
DEAL WITH YOUR WEAK AND COWARDLY ATTEMPTS AT HOLINESS, THROUGH REPENTANCE AND HONESTY OF HEART BEFORE ME AND OTHERS WHOM YOU HAVE BEEN WALKING IN FELLOWSHIP WITH.
THE DAYS OF PERSONAL AMBITION AND HIERARCHY ARE NUMBERED.
 
 
MY FIRE MUST BE IN YOUR HEART!
The fear of the Divine Supernatural is to be removed from you.
Many have fallen into fear over the supernatural spirits that have surrounded them. Therefore, they have retreated in their prayer life and fallen into passivity.
 
 1 Samuel 12:24 says,
“But be sure to honor the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things He has done for you 
 
THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF A NEW DAY! PLANT YOUR FEET.
The window of opportunity for change is short and sweet.
 
THIS WILL BE A TIME THAT NIGHT WATCHES ARE RE-FORMED IN YOUR REGION, AND I WILL REVISIT YOU IN THE NIGHT WATCH.
I will visit my bride as I described in the Song of Solomon and knock upon her door. This is not a time for hesitation.
Night watches will spring forth across the nations.
Once again these watches will open the door to me, and I will come again.
 
Therefore, I am calling watchmen to rise up and cry out day and night
for my bride to be positioned near the door of opportunity in these lands.
Be positioned, ready to open the door of opportunity in your nation.
 
MY BRIDE MUST NOT HESITATE TO OPEN THE DOOR
SINCE HARVEST IS WAITING TO COME THROUGH THE DOOR
INTO THE STOREHOUSE OF MY KINGDOM!
 
MY WILL HAS BEEN ACTIVATED ON EARTH.
I AM ADVANCING.
ADVANCE WITH ME.
I WILL LEAD YOU INTO WARFARE.
 
MANY HAVE GROWN FEARFUL OF CONFRONTING THE ENEMY.
I CAME TO DESTROY THE WORKS OF THE ENEMY.
I confronted both legalism and liberalism.
I say rise up in worship that you might confront.
Without confrontation, your enemy, the legalist, will gain much strength against you and narrow the boundaries of your freedom.
If you will align yourselves properly and allow your gift to work within my government, I will guide you like a troop into warfare and make you victorious. 
 
WORSHIP IS ARISING. FROM WORSHIP, YOU WILL WAR!
For a sound of war is coming into the heart of my people.
 
John 4:23 says, 
A time will come, however, indeed it is already here, when the true (genuine) worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth (reality), for the Father is seeking just such people as these as His worshipers 
 
DO NOT GO BACKWARDS. 
Take off the old garments that would hinder you.
My advance is now in the earth.
YOU HAVE BEEN BLINDED FROM THE SUPPLY OF THE FUTURE!
 
A NEW SEER ANOINTING IS ABOUT TO ARISE IN MY PEOPLE.
What you couldn't see in the past, you will now see.
You've tried to connect and align with some, but now I will release a new anointing for connecting.
You will see strategies of supply that have been hidden from you by occult powers. 
 
The seer anointing is coming back into your region.
My people's eyes are about to see their supply.
Advance is now in the earth.
Open your eyes and advance with me! 
 
YOU WILL KNOW ME AS THE GREAT PROVIDER.
YOU WILL KNOW ME AS THE GREAT HEALER.
YOU WILL SEE ME BRING FULFILLMENTS
AND ANSWERS TO MY MANY PROMISES!
 
YES! 
You will now begin to release a manifestation of My joy of release from captivity from region to region throughout the land and in all nations crying out for more of Me! 
 
“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. 
There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, 
For the old order of things has passed away."  - Revelation 21:4
 
Let’s pray about this word from the Lord and share it with others!
___________________________________________
Duplication and re-transmission of this writing is welcomed
provided that complete source of podcast and website information
for Mary Lindow is included.
Thank you copyright © 2022 "
The Messenger " ~ Mary Lindow
 www.marylindow.com
www.marylindow.podbean.com
 

Silent No More

Monday Mar 26, 2012

Monday Mar 26, 2012


Dear Friends,
I have a most precious "real life" story to share with you. It is the story and of one very brave and amazing woman. Her name is Karen Elliott and she lives in San Antonio, Texas.
What Karen is about to share on this podcast and written pages will cause you to weep as as well as rejoice at the forgiveness of the Lord and His power to wash away deep traumatizing shame and sorrow.
Share this story with young women, friends, and others with a painful past or current trauma. It is not recommended that you share this with young children due to the sensitive information regarding abortion in it as well as a few detailed graphics.
This testimony has now been aired all over Europe and Israel as well as the USA and other Nations and countries. The Lord is using this tremendous story to tell of His Mercy and Grace.
If you are touched by Karen's brave sharing, please send her an email and bless her as your sister in Christ. If you need someone to talk to about a similar series of events, Karen is on of the most discreet and kind women you could ever share your broken heart with.
In His Shadow,
Mary Lindow

“Silent No More”
Testimony of Karen Elliott
karen.steve@sbcglobal.net
Thank you so much, Ladies and Gentlemen, for the opportunity to speak to you today.   I’d like to share my heart, my life with you.  All I ask is that you please listen with your heart!
You know, I used to ask myself what I wanted to be when I grew up.  There are so many things that interest me that I just wanted to embrace them all.  Art, fashion, interior design, real estate.  I was an art major in college, I had five years of private painting lessons, and painting is a chapter in my life which isn’t over just yet.  I have been under contract with a modeling agency in Texas, because I believe that mature women need to be equally represented in advertising, a trend that is just now coming to the forefront. 
I design interiors for people because I believe God wants us to flourish in our surroundings.  Another one of the things I do is to consult with women about their wardrobes…what sort of styles they should wear for their body type, what colors look good on them, even how to organize their closets so that getting dressed can be easy.
But on a more serious note, I’d like to share some of the secrets that have been hidden away in my closet.  Because you see, all of those things that I loved and embraced were on the surface.  Underneath, there was a secret that I had buried -- a secret that I told no one.
I was born to loving parents who were and still are very much in love with each other ( Karen's Mother has recently passed away).  I was raised in a Christian home and went to church.  I accepted Jesus and was born again in my mother’s bedroom when I was only nine years old.  I was already selfish and self-centered and wanted my own way.  I already needed His saving grace. 
I got married at 19 after two years of college, long before I knew who I was and what I needed in life, much less what I had to offer someone else.  That was what we had in common, and we were soon disappointed in each other.  I went to work immediately while my husband went to college and then law school. 
So much of our life was focused on when we got out of school that we forgot to invest in and enjoy the present.  The goal was more important than the means by which we would attain it. 
Church was no part of our life and neither of us thought too much about it.  I occasionally remembered that I felt God had called me to the ministry as a pastor’s wife, but it seemed that no longer had any relevance in my life.  All that mattered is that we had two darling little girls.  After seven years together and much of the enemy’s intervention, we divorced and I went to Atlanta to live with my parents.
At 25, divorced with children, and with no college degree, I felt ill-prepared for the workforce and I had to tell everybody within the first five minutes of meeting them that my ex-husband was an attorney.  My whole life had lost its focus. 
I had to support myself without my ex-husband’s education and credentials.  It seemed that I had no identity of my own.  You know, when a couple is divorced, the woman is suddenly no longer “the wife.”  The man still has his name, he still has his career, he still has his education.  If the woman did not have a career before marriage, she has to establish herself on her own.  If she marries again, she has yet another name and a new identity to assume. It can be very confusing.  A woman may ask, “Who am I, anyway?”  She searches to establish who she is.  Who she  was  is not who she is  anymore!
Though I had been a Christian most of my life, my identity was wrapped up in being the wife of my ex-husband.  So when my marriage ended, I experienced an identity crisis.  God wanted my identity to be wrapped up in Him, not in another person.
After my divorce, I started dating, and for the next couple of years I had very stringent rules for myself.  But the unthinkable happened!  I found myself pregnant!  It was not the Immaculate Conception!  I was old enough to know better!  How could I have been so stupid?  The choices I had made had trapped me!
The devil began warring on my senses.  Now I felt I had no choice!  If I were to have this baby, my ex-husband could say that I was an unfit mother and might try to take my children away from me!  I felt I had to act fast.  I decided I had to terminate the pregnancy.  I made a call to a man I knew who made the arrangements for an abortion.  The details are as vivid as though they all happened last week.
I could not have been more than four or five weeks pregnant.  After the procedure, I passed a tiny piece of pink flesh which was the beginning of a little baby.  It was not a blood clot like we sometimes have during periods of heavy flow; it was unmistakable.  I will never forget what I saw.
That image has haunted me, when I least expect it, and has never been forgotten even though I have kept my secret entirely hidden for many years. In a book by Francine Rivers called The Atonement Child,  many passages pierced my heart.  The words expressed so many thoughts and emotions that I have felt.  I would like to share one of these passages with you.

Quote:
“She had sought a way out, any way out, and then had lied to get the money for an abortion, sacrificing her unborn child.  And since then, she had lied to herself and others.  Sowing seeds of destruction.  Why had she done it?  To hide her shame?  To pretend the past couldn’t harm her?  To avoid condemnation?  And what had she accomplished?  She was ashamed, hurting, and condemned anyway.  She could have made a hundred excuses for herself – and did – but none
mattered.  None helped heal the secret pain within her because her own blood cried out against her.  You can’t run away from God!”
I had thought that an abortion wouldn’t matter, that no one would ever know, and I would just continue life as usual.  Isn’t the woman the one to make the choice about what happens to her own body?  Why hadn’t I made another choice a long time ago, saving myself from this dilemma?  I thought that the decision to abort was the end of it.  God did forgive me when I wept and repented before Him.  How could I have known that it would come back into my conscience more than 30 years later with such glaring detail?
I married the man whose baby was aborted.  We were only married a month when he filed bankruptcy.  Life seemed to be a financial roller coaster and we were doomed with financial woes.  No matter how much money we made, we never had enough to pay everyone who wanted to be paid.  We were not tithing and we were not going to church.  I was taking birth control pills and got pregnant! 
The next year our precious son was born and now we had what you could call a “blended” family.  I tell you about the financial problems so you can see that I began to live under a curse of insufficiency.   Bill collectors were always calling.  There was never enough money.
Our marriage just unraveled with all sorts of sin.  By this time I had become an astrological expert, and I could, with just a few details of your birth date, time and location, tell you more than you knew about yourself.  I attributed it all to God who was All-powerful, All-knowing, and All-creative.  He was absolutely able to put all of your characteristics and personality into your tiny body depending upon when and where you were born.  I was VERY convincing and had a lot of “believer-followers.”  My door was always open and the coffee pot was always on. 
Then one day, in desperation, I knelt down beside my bed and I asked Jesus to help me with my life and my children.  I had not been doing a very good job with any part of it.  He was right there as soon as I called His Name.  Soon after that we   enrolled the girls in a Christian school. 
I began to feel that we needed some continuity between school and home.  We started going to church and one morning I just could not quit crying.  The pastor invited me to come to his study the following week to talk and right there I was baptized in the Holy Spirit.  When I left the church, my car just transported me to a church member’s house, where I  never had been before.  They welcomed me and invited me to stay for lunch with them and the youth pastor who was also visiting at the time.  As we discussed the Holy Spirit, they asked me to renounce all the forms of the occult. 
I had been involved in everything - astrology, fortune-telling, tarot cards, ouiji boards, tea leaves – you name it!  It was then that I received my prayer language and I began to pray in tongues. 
A friend of mine called the next day to tell me that she had given birth to her first child in a neighboring state.  I could not tell the baby’s astrological sign and I still cannot to this day.  I was totally delivered from all of the occult!  I burned and destroyed all of the books and items related to astrology, worth more than $1,000! God miraculously set me free from that whole part of my life!  I thought I was no longer under the curse, but problems continued to plague our marriage and I ended up divorced again. 
Within a couple of years, I married again.  This time I decided that I was only going to marry a Christian.  I might as well have said I was going to marry the next red-haired man who crossed the street!  I started going to church and praying with this man, but my spirit was warning me.  I charged ahead into a relationship that was like oil and water.     
We were never able to live in harmony even though we stayed married for 13 years.  My children were unhappy, our finances were pitiful, I was deathly ill, and we were living in a constant state of war. 
Because I was not able to keep current on the payments, I was given a notice of foreclosure on the house.  I went through the house proclaiming all the scriptures in Gloria Copeland’s wonderful book entitled, GOD’S WILL FOR YOU IS PROSPERITY.  I spoke to the windows, the doors, the walls, the floors!  No devil was going to take them from me!
I entered a state of faith in God’s Word and one night before the house was to be sold on the courthouse steps, I received a call from a man who offered to pay the court in return for a second mortgage on the house!  It was a stay of execution!  The Lord had delivered me and my house! 
During this marriage, the government demanded our boat and trailer to pay taxes we owed, the bank repossessed our car, we could not pay our mortgage payments, and I finally had to file bankruptcy to keep my home.  Another stay of execution!  I ended up paying off the court, the fees, and all my debtors because my original in-laws loaned me the money and told me THEY did not want my house! 
I shall always be grateful for their kindness to me in a time of need.  Over the next few years, I fully repaid them by the grace of God, who always made a way for me.  During this whole period of my life, I would be under so much pressure, unable to sleep because of so much tension.  I plunged from one crisis to another, and the relief that came was always temporary….another crisis always hit.
I remember getting up during the night in turmoil and to begin thanking God for my blessings.  As I did this, I would eventually come to the place of true praise with my hands lifted to Him, dancing around in my kitchen!
I would sing, “Count your blessings, name them one by one, count your many blessings, see what God hath done!”  The Lord did enable me to overcome my circumstances.
However, there were some other circumstances that came into my life which were not financial.  It was my health. I found out that I had fibroid tumors which required a complete hysterectomy, and while in the hospital, the doctors discovered a lump in my breast.  This, of course, is part of the lingering curse from having had an abortion, though I did not make the connection then.
After this time, I came into a new season in my professional life.  I had become a successful businesswoman in real estate in Atlanta, Georgia.  One of my coworkers was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.  Exactly one year later she died and was buried. 
My emotions were raw over the loss of my friend.  I left the next day to help my youngest daughter move to  Philadelphia.  While there, I discovered a new lump in my breast.  Alarming as that new health concern was, there were still more scary circumstances of a different nature just around the corner. 
As I flew back to Atlanta a few days later, two Canadian geese were sucked into the engine at takeoff.  We had to make an emergency landing back in Philadelphia with foam on the runway. 
Completely shaken, I vowed that if I only had one year to live, like my friend, I would not live my life like I had been!! I set about to change it.  I filed for divorce and put my house up for sale.  Within a few months, my housing and marital status had changed.
Then, one day, my high school sweetheart – Steve- and I began a long-distance friendship by telephone. I called it a “phoneship!”  I was in Atlanta; he was a thousand miles away in San Antonio, Texas.  The Lord said to me one day as I was dressing, “I have chosen Steve to restore the years the locusts have eaten in your life and for you to do the same for him.”
A year after I had decided to change my life,  Steve came to see me.  We only saw each other on four different occasions.  Then we got married in Georgia and I moved back to Texas.   Over the last fourteen years Steve and I have been closely involved with various people, churches and ministries that have continuously taught us in the ways of the Lord  and helped us understand that together we have a call to the nations!  We can say now that we have a global vision.  One day the Lord impressed me to have the word “restoration” inscribed in our wedding rings, which Steve did the very next day.  Truly, we are experiencing restoration in its fullness.  Jesus will transform your life when you let Him!
Once I was scheduled to go on an antiques- buying trip to Paris on the first of March with my employer, an interior design firm.  As I was praying about it, I distinctly felt God by His Spirit say, “No.”  That was on a Saturday.  Two days later
at a Christian conference taught by Alan Vincent, I introduced myself to the woman sitting beside me.  It was Mary Lindow from Colorado.  She felt impressed to invite me to join her and the U.S. ministry team at the first-ever Women’s Conference in Strasborg, France, to be held in three weeks. I told her I would pray about it and let her know.  My husband was very supportive and encouraged me to go.  All week I enjoyed the teaching of the Word, but I secretly was in turmoil over this decision.  Satan was constantly telling me I wasn’t good enough.
Finally, on the last day of the conference, as I was sitting at the back of the room it seemed God said to me, “Karen, you are 60 years old.  When are you going to start?”  You see, I had told the Lord for years that I wanted to be on the cutting edge of whatever He wanted to do on the earth!   Immediately,   I realized that God DID have something for me to do.  It didn’t matter if I felt unsure and inadequate.  I had listened to too many years of Satan’s accusations against me, seeking to diminish me and tell me I could not be useful to God.  He had kept me squelched under his thumb long enough! 
It is true that you put Fire on God’s altar when you answer, “Yes!”  I did say, “Yes, Lord, yes!”  It felt glorious!  I ran to tell Mary that I would go!  Two weeks later I was in Germany and France in life-changing ministry as part of the team!  
After I returned home, I was on my way to a prayer meeting about abortion.  There were representatives there from an organization that is seeking to end abortion through America’s court system.  The organization is called the Justice Foundation. As I was driving, I said out loud, “Well, God, I hope You don’t expect me to have anything to do with that!”
At that moment, the Holy Spirit filled my being and I began to realize that what God wanted was no less than what I wanted for myself.  “Restoration!”    
Near the end of April I wrote out my personal statement, also known as an affidavit, admitting the secret of my abortion. God led me to share the affidavit with Mary while she was visiting me later that same year in June.  I also shared it with a friend of mine, Eileen Vincent, who later became very involved in Prayer for the Justice Foundation.   
They were both so kind and understanding, and prayed with me to have the courage to do everything that God was calling me to do. 
Well, my affidavit lay there – hidden in the file folder all summer.  What was I waiting for?
I had been asked for the very first time to give my testimony and it was for a Christian women’s meeting called AGLOW in San Antonio, Texas the following September. I knew that God wanted me to finally reveal my secret – that which had remained hidden for so, so long in the closet of my heart. 
I knew I must first share my testimony with my husband and children.  Their reaction was wonderful.  Instead of shame and condemnation, they were so accepting of me!  I was so proud of them!
I went to the Justice Foundation to have my paper notarized and turn it in.  As I left their office, I felt that something really remarkable had happened.  My act of obedience to reveal the secret in my closet would allow God to
use me in new ways.  Two thousand affidavits were turned in from all over the country and were finally sent to the Supreme Court of the US to help overturn legalized abortion in America!  I was so pleased that my affidavit was among them.
I have come into full agreement with God’s TRUTH, and that truth is that “it is not in the human or legal interest of any mother to kill her own child.  A mother’s true interest is in her child’s LIFE and her relationship with her child.  Abortion should come to an end.”
I don’t know what the statistics are, but women who have had abortions are much more likely to develop breast cancer and they are also very often unable to have more children. The Lord allowed me to have a son in spite of my sin.  The blood of
Jesus is enough, for He has forgiven me. I asked for and received that forgiveness more than 35 years ago.  But God wasn’t really through. 
He has been leading me to give my testimony so that all of us who have been through this awful act will have the courage to come forward and admit what we have done. 

By coming out into the open, we can end hell’s grip on our lives.  We can be free of the trauma, the guilt, and the shame. 
Researchers describe something called, “Post Abortion Syndrome” as a woman’s inability to process the fear, anger, sadness and guilt surrounding her abortion.  She may have trouble with these emotions as well as grieving the loss of her baby, and coming to peace with God, herself, and the others involved in the abortion decision.  A woman can experience many lasting effects from an abortion, including, guilt, crying, flashbacks, sadness, anger, anxiety, sleeping problems, relationship problems, alcohol abuse, depression, eating disorders, drug abuse, and suicidal thoughts.
Those secrets that remain hidden continue to have power over you, and what I’m wanting to do is to help women see that
if they can come to terms with abortion, that Satan’s hold and power over them would end.  Like a bomb, I had to detonate abortion’s power so it wouldn’t be something that Satan could use to keep me bound.
In answer to my question, “What was I waiting for?”  God has a plan for my life that is constantly unfolding.  That date with AGLOW in September was another turning point in my life.  It was the same month in 1969 that I had had an
abortion, ending a little life so recently begun.   I began my journey of sharing my testimony and doing my part to help end abortion more than thirty years later.
Is there anything hidden in your closet?  Has Satan been talking to you, like he talked to me, keeping you silent and squelched, unable to answer the Lord’s call, like he did to me?  Has he rendered you ineffective in your life?
Today we can break agreement with the enemy.  We can choose to believe what God says about us.  We can say, “Yes, Lord.”  Why don’t you make a decision to give 100 percent to Jesus?  He’ll take you to new places, doing new things, and He will restore the years the locusts have eaten in your life! 
Whatever we have done in the past or whatever has been done to us or someone we love will lose its power when we put our fire on God’s altar by saying, “Yes, Lord, Yes!”  Whatever the Lord God asks YOU to do, do it!
If there has been an abortion in your past, I encourage you today to silence the enemy once and for all!!! 
Won’t you decide today to be silent and shameful no more?


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